


pulchritude

by jxshua



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Heavy Angst, Infidelity, M/M, Romance, Suicide Attempt, junhao if u squint
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-29
Updated: 2018-06-09
Packaged: 2019-05-15 11:51:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14790000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jxshua/pseuds/jxshua
Summary: mingyu watches as the man he once loved falls apart, piece by piece.





	1. part one

“Meeting dismissed.”

The young man reviewed their minutes and discussion, listening to the rustling of papers and the hasty click of shoes against the carpeted floor beneath them. All the lights flickered shut. He gathered his belongings and exited the meeting room, glancing up at the wall clock with a heavy sigh. It was past working hours.

“Goodnight, Joshua.”

Joshua dipped his head politely at his co worker, scurrying out of the building and briefly scanning the materials in his arms. A headache began settling in. There was too much going on. He climbed into a worn out Volkswagen, shoving his foot against the gas pedal and dashing straight back home.

It was nine when he had finally reached his front door, exhaustion settling heavily on his lids. But sleep was the last thing on his mind. All the paperwork tumbled out onto his desk, the word ‘urgent’ imprinted onto the folders in bright red ink. He grunted. With a steaming mug of coffee by his arm, he began studying the documents until dawn struck.

When he finally fell asleep on his desk at three in the morning, it occurred to him that his husband had not been home all night.

 

He woke up in a fit of coughs, his bronchioles giving up on him with a big ‘fuck you’ as he scrambled towards the kitchen in search for water. After downing three glasses, he leaned against the windowsill and gazed out with an unsettling feeling in his gut. The sun was brimming over the horizons, blanketing the world in a faint vermillion light.

Footsteps approached him from behind. An achingly familiar warmth enveloped his frame, strong safe arms circled around his waist and a pepper of kisses burning against the expanse of his neck. Joshua couldn’t help but smile, until that particularly  _sweet_  scent stung his senses once again, and the smile was wiped clean from his face.

“I haven’t had my shower yet, Mingyu.”

“It’s okay,” he planted one last kiss behind his ear, “Me either.”

“You didn't come home last night.”

Mingyu hesitated in his response.  _How did you know?_  He assumed that his husband would be sound asleep after a long day, without a single care for the world. Joshua unbuttoned his dress shirt, the silver band glistening against his finger. It hurts to know, and he refused to entertain it any further; even though his heart was ripping apart.

“Gotta leave early,” Joshua sighed, breaking out of his husband’s embrace and ambling away from the kitchen, “I have to speak with the shareholders today.  _God,_  I'm so tired. My boss is going to work us to  _death_ –”

His grumbles were silenced by the slam of the bathroom door. Mingyu fiddled with the band resting upon his finger, exhaling heavily with a wince at the weight in his chest. Guilt bloomed inside of him, and it was starting to slowly...consume him. He took a deep breath and shrugged out of his jacket, pushing his thoughts away into a dark corner.

 

They fell in love during their senior year of high school, over spilled books and coffee. It was the first time someone had taken Joshua’s breath away. Everyone knew Mingyu; he was charming and drop dead gorgeous, with outrageous bleached hair and accentuated features. He was pursued by many other beauties but amidst the chaos, he fell in love with Joshua.

He always brushed past him in the hallways, going virtually unnoticed. But Joshua was immensely beautiful, with a pristine, immaculate visage and myriads of stars spiralling in his guileless obsidian orbs. He brought splashes of vivid colours and tones into this dull monotonous world and Mingyu found himself falling harder with each passing day.

Over the summer, they met at the ocean; fingers intertwined, and promised to love one another forever.

 

“It would be unwise to proceed here,” Joshua gestured towards the messy markings scratched over the page, “This provision is phrased in a relatively vague manner, on purpose, I assume. If they chose to withdraw from the agreement without proper notice, in essence, they  _could_.”

Choi Seungcheol was an austere, rigid man with little compassion for his employees. His father was the brilliant mind behind Princely, a multinational corporate which owned clothing retailers all around the world, and when Seungcheol turned 22, he inherited the company and it thrived within his hands.

Everyone in the industry spoke well of him and his ethical standards. Though it was unnerving to converse with him, the people around him in the workplace agreed that he was stunningly irresistible. He had smouldering good looks and bewitching eyes that drew one in easily, drowning you in his beauty.

The spell casted on Joshua was broken in a matter of seconds when he first spoke to Seungcheol and the man snarled at him in pure irrational anger. It terrified him but work was work after all, and he was paid well to do what he was doing.

Seungcheol regarded the folder with a frown, tossing it onto his desk with a sigh.

“Very well, we’ll scrap the whole thing. What do you propose?”

“I can rewrite the essentials of the contract with Junhui and bring it in for a review next week,” he suggested, twirling a pen between his fingers.

Seungcheol nodded in affirmation. “I’ll leave it to you, then. Do you have the materials ready for the meeting with Stella?”

“Yes sir. Shall we move?”

He twisted his wrist to check the time, motioning towards his secretary. “Seungkwan, we’ll leave in fifteen. Get the car ready.”

“Right away sir,” he hastened out of the room.

Joshua collected his things to depart as well, the silver on his finger gleaming under the light and attracting Seungcheol’s attention. He had never really taken notice of it before, but Joshua was  _married_? Or maybe he hasn’t been paying attention. The young man dipped his head in a bow and scurried away from the office.

A head popped in through the door moments later.

“You called for me, sir?”

“Soonyoung,” he snapped his fingers, “Pull out all the employees’ profiles from the legal department.”

“ _All_ of them?” he reiterated in bewilderment.

Well, he only needed Joshua’s – but he wasn’t going to say that out loud, was he?

“Yes hurry up, now,” he tapped his fingers against the desk in irritation, “Are you going to keep me waiting? We are leaving soon.”

“Sorry sir,” he squeaked and dashed off.

 

Seungcheol took large confident strides down the lobby with his hands pocketed, his team struggling to keep up their pace behind him. The receptionist instantly led them to the conference room, and Joshua hurried along with the other staff, scouring through his folders to look over his material.

They flooded down the corridor to make their way into the room and before Joshua could follow suit, a tight grip enclosed around his slender wrist and gave it a harsh tug. He stumbled back and spun around with an incredulous look, only to find himself facing his husband. Mingyu stared at him, suspicion overlaying his features.

“Joshua, what are you doing here?”

_Aren’t you acting a little strange?_

“I'm here for a conference meeting,” he defended, narrowing his eyes, “What's wrong with you? Why are  _you_  here?”

He paused.

“I work for Stella.”

“You  _don’t_ work for Stella,” he immediately countered.

“Mingyu?”

A gorgeous young man swept down the corridor to approach them, curiosity lighting up his eyes. He was stunningly beautiful and slender to the bones, with an elegant sway in his walk. The way Mingyu instantaneously paled and released his grip on him was ringing some loud bells in his head. There was something wrong.

Joshua could detect the nauseatingly sweet scent wafting into the air, and he set his gaze upon the man drawing closer towards Mingyu’s side to link their arms. Mingyu does not attempt to pull away, freezing with all the words stuck in his throat. Joshua could feel the entire world slow to a complete halt. And it dawned upon him that it was him –  _this_  was the man.

The strange cologne had been invading his comfort for some time, setting his heart aflame and erasing him from the walls of  _their_ home. This man was the one who had been spending countless nights with Mingyu, loving him and making him his. Joshua's eyes flittered back to meet Mingyu’s, empty and lifeless.

“Joshua?” Seungcheol called out irritably, craning his neck to glance back at them.

All his professionalism snapped and flew out of the window. Every spectator around them watched as Joshua yanked off his ring and threw it at Mingyu’s face; the dull impact striking him on the cheek, hard.

“Get out of my face,” he whispered, his voice in tremors.

Mingyu clenched his teeth, sweeping down to seize the abandoned ring between his digits, hurling it out towards his husband with his open palm.  _Please._

“I don’t want it,” Joshua snarled, tears welling in his eyes, “That’s seven years of you making a fool out of me. Leave me.  _Now._ ”

It was deadly silent. Mingyu shuffled back with his lover, who lowered his head as guilt flashed over his eyes. This was the first time he had met Mingyu’s husband. With their hands clasped together, they turned and vanished from the scene. Joshua sunk back against the wall, feeling faint, like he couldn't breathe and the air was suffocating him.

Seungkwan, Soonyoung and Junhui were crowding around him in an instant with concern flashing over their faces, but all he could see were the tears brimming in his eyes. He swallowed the bile rising in his throat, knuckles whitening by his sides. His entire world was falling apart and he wasn't even in the safety of his home to let it all out, all the  _pain_.

“Are you going to fire me, sir?” his voice broken and shaky.

His coworkers glanced up at Seungcheol, with pitiful looks spelled out on their faces that were exclaiming: ‘come on sir, we know that you are a cold heartless, inhumane monster but his marriage literally just fell apart in the middle of work, surely you can understand’. A wave of sympathy hit him. Seungcheol sighed.

“No, you can head back now.”

Joshua cleared his throat, choking on a sob.

“But sir–”

“ _Now_ , Joshua,” he stated sternly, “You’re in no state to work. Junhui will deal with the rest. Go home and make sure you clock in early tomorrow.”

Seungkwan nodded encouragingly at him and Joshua took that as the cue to start sprinting out of the building. He doesn’t know where he’s headed, but he just kept running, jostling through the crowd on the streets with despair erupting in his chest. Every fibre of his being was on fire, burning until there was nothing left of him.

 

Joshua treaded down the bridge alone, each step laborious and heavy. Every drag of his feet was tiring. He needed to rest. Evening was settling over the city, carpeting the world in calm carmine colours. A strange inherent emptiness caved into his chest. Without another thought, he leaped over the wrought iron railing and plunged sixty feet down into the waters.

 


	2. part two

The wind whipped his bangs across his eyes, sweeping the grains of sand over his bare feet. He advanced towards the vast ocean slowly, waves rising, rippling and receding into a blanket of bubbles over the shore. It was hypnotising, drawing him in with every step, begging him to immerse himself in the frigid, chilling waters.

If only he could be carried away and taken into the cerulean depths. He took another step forward. A hand curled around his wrist and Joshua snapped back to his senses, gazing over his shoulder. With a lopsided turn of his lips, Mingyu tugged him closer towards his chest and engulfed him in a warm, reassuring embrace.

“When we get a little older,” Mingyu mumbled, resting his chin atop of his head, “I want to marry you.”

“You’re thinking a little too far now, mister,” he laughed.

“Is that a yes?”

“Of course.”

“Does that mean you’ll be mine forever?”

Joshua smiled, lashes fluttering shut in content.

“Always.”

 

The void was swallowing him, ceaselessly trapping him in an inescapable labyrinth. It was just him, falling deeper into a painless abyss, before a smothering white light caught him and propelled him into reality. The heart monitor beeped erratically and he bolted awake, struggling to catch gulps of air.

Joshua sat up in bed, attached to endless strings of oxygen tubing and surrounded by walls of white. He stared at his hands, trying to register what was _happening_. Pain began surging through his body and he jerked forward, hacking out a cough. Blood dribbled from his lips, and he smudged it with the back of his hand.

_Why, why am I alive?_

“Joshua?”

He glanced up.

Seungcheol entered the room, cladded in his usual white dress shirt, sleeves rolled up to his elbows with no blazer or tie. He made his way towards the patient’s side swiftly, inspecting him in horror. On any other ordinary day, Joshua would be surprised to see him. Why would the chief executive of a multinational corporate tend to his employee in a hospital?

But today is not a day for questions like that.

“Why is there blood?” he snatched the tissues off the bedside table and wiped the warm crimson fluid clean from the corner of Joshua’s mouth, “Are you alright?”

The raven haired male snatched hold of Seungcheol’s hand, eyes desperate and edged with unshed tears. “Why? I’m supposed to be dead,” he cried, “It was supposed to be over. Why am I alive? I can’t keep going on anymore. I _can’t_.”

Seungcheol could feel something breaking inside of him. It was crushing his heart and he never thought that he’d be able to feel this way again. After Joshua had left abruptly, he felt the regret eating away at his being, telling them that something was not quite right and in frustration; he cancelled his plans and searched the streets with the others.

Joshua almost didn’t make it.

Unbeknownst to the rest, Seungcheol watched Joshua all night to make sure he was alright, fearful that he would not wake up again. He encircled his arms around the patient’s frame, giving him a squeeze and for some reason, Joshua instantaneously melted into his arms. Seungcheol gave off a sense of security and comfort.

“I’m here,” he mumbled, “And the kids at the company like you alot. We all do. So don’t go. Don’t leave us. Don’t leave…me.”

Streams of tears burned against his cheeks. The warmth and faint hint of cologne reminded him of Mingyu. Everything reminded him of his husband, and he wasn’t sure how he could keep living. He held onto Seungcheol, basking in his presence, until he fell back into a drowsy slumber once more.

 

Every single trace of his husband was gone. In the midst of the night, after a week of going missing, Joshua had packed everything he owned and departed from their shared home, never to return again. The scent of Joshua’s favourite soap was soon dispelled from the walls and it was replaced by a sweet, lovely scent which Mingyu had grown to love.

His lover had moved into his apartment and everything changed. It was like Joshua had been wiped away from existence. Had the past seven years mean so little to him? He no longer felt the quivers in his heart when he was with his husband. How did the love between them evanesce into nothingness?

“Wonwoo?”

The young man peeked out from the bedroom. “You called?”

“The delivery people are here. They have your things.”

“Finally,” he dashed towards the door in excitement.

Wonwoo was a mesmerising figure and a talented supermodel working under Stella. Mingyu first met him at a fashion show, where he was assigned as his stylist, and the two had instantly hit it off ever since then. Mingyu could not help but fall head over heels with his endearing antics and behaviour.

Wonwoo liked to tease and rarely reciprocated Mingyu’s affections. But he allowed the young man to dance around him for months, because he was just so adorable and Wonwoo couldn’t keep his eyes off him. Until one day, he decided _fuck it_ , and kissed the living daylights out of him. Since then, all Mingyu could think about was him.

How beautiful he was underneath him, rendered breathless and flushed, with heavy pants and gasps fluttering past his lips. The way he captured Mingyu in this enchanting gaze, making him feel like he was the only one in the world. Everything about Wonwoo made him go insane. He didn’t even know what he was doing. He just wanted to be with _him_.

Mingyu toyed with the ring absentmindedly, smoothing a calloused finger over the engravings inside. ‘ _2011.09.10 – Forever_ ’ Joshua momentarily drifted back into his mind, and he flicked the ring back into the drawer, slamming it shut and locking the compartment.

The guilt had completely dissipated from his chest.

 

“Sorry for intruding,” Joshua heaved his luggage past the threshold with a faint smile, “Minghao, long time no see. Hope you don’t mind taking in a freeloader.”

“Joshua, I’m so glad to see you,” the lanky blonde male chattered on excitedly, tugging him into a tight hug, “You are always welcome in our home. Isn’t he, Junhui?”

Junhui hauled another box into the house with a hummed affirmation and a bright grin. With his broken marriage, Joshua needed to crash at someone’s place until he could find a new home and Junhui willingly offered him a room in his shared home with his cute blonde boyfriend Minghao, a young eccentric art student.

Joshua settled back on the couch with a heavy sigh. His body was still going through shock after experiencing a near drowning experience. Every single day was spent in dizzy spells, rapid coughing fits and nausea rising in his throat.

“Oh, Mr.Choi is coming over now,” Junhui raised a brow at the luminous screen of his phone, “Huh, never thought this day would ever come.”

“Does he need coffee to soothe his bitter, lonely soul?” Minghao yelled from the kitchen.

“Was it two sugars?”

“Two sugars,” Joshua affirmed, “Seungkwan always tells me. Never thought that this information would be useful.”

Junhui chortled, moving to entertain the knock on their door. It was a little baffling to find the CEO standing right in front of your front door, but there he was, neatly cladded in a suit, and he brushed the stray droplets of rain from his sleeves before sauntering in. Joshua gazed up at him, feeling rather embarrassed.

_“Don’t leave…me.”_

But Seungcheol simply found himself at home, shrugging out of his blazer and thanking Minghao for the coffee – the perfect epitome of indifference.

“You wanted to speak with us, sir?”

“Yes, since there are some circumstances occurring right now,” he waved a hand around, “I want you both to interchange some tasks here and there; I’m pulling Joshua out of the Stella project.”

Junhui and Joshua shared a look of confusion – _what_? Seungcheol was vividly aware of Joshua’s discomfort and he was doing his best to make it work for his employee; which was not something he would do. When Seungcheol gave them a project, you had to complete it regardless of personal issues. Professionalism is key.

“But sir, Joshua is currently the only one available with experience in corporate negotiations. If any dispute arises it’s crucial to have him around in order to settle things immediately.”

“If this is about me, I must apologise,” Joshua leaned forward, “I can handle this, it’s part of my job.”

“Look, I’m afraid that this may disturb your concentration whilst working. I need to optimise my employees’ full productivity.”

_Okay, he’s giving the CEO talk now._

Joshua clenched his fists. He was better than this. He didn’t need to be pulled out of work simply because of his divorce. It tore him apart to think that Mingyu was probably walking around with his beautiful lover right now, deeply in love, while he was here, simply struggling to keep himself together.

He missed Mingyu. The man had discarded him in an instant, like he didn’t even mean anything in the first place. But this was his life. He was in pain, but he won’t let Mingyu get over his head.

“I can do it sir,” he asserted firmly, “Give me a chance. If it doesn’t work out, I’ll talk to our legal team to see if we can make an arrangement.”

Seungcheol exhaled heavily. “Alright then. There will be a meeting tomorrow. Are you feeling better yet?”

“Yes, thank you sir.”

“Review your materials,” he rose from the couch, “I’ll see you both in the morning.”

He set his eyes on Joshua, who instantly fidgeted uncomfortably under his gaze. Out of his work uniform, Joshua seemed to be rather young, like he was seventeen again. He was pale and slender, with a white tee and jeans clinging to his frail petite frame, and his alluring feline eyes peered up tiredly from beneath his bangs.

He was…oddly beautiful.

“Have dinner with me,” Seungcheol declared.

The two legal staff stared at him with their jaws slacked.

“I’m sorry?” Joshua stuttered.

“It’s almost dinner time,” he switched his attention towards his watch, “You haven’t eaten yet, have you? What do you like?”

Joshua took a quick glance over his shoulder at Junhui, who was wearing an equally confused and horrified look as he was.

“Sir, I don’t think that’s appropriate–”

Seungcheol sighed in exasperation. Obviously he wasn’t taking no as an answer. He reached out to snatch hold of Joshua’s wrist, dragging him out of the apartment with him without a moment’s worth of hesitation and ignoring his pleas of distress. Junhui and Minghao peered out of the door, watching as Joshua lumbered along in dismay until they vanished from sight.

“Should we rescue him or something?”

Junhui grinned.

“Nah, I think they look cute together.”


	3. part three

Joshua was almost _glowing_ in happiness, sitting opposite him while devouring mouthfuls of barbecued meat. It has been a whole week since he has managed to eat a proper meal. He just couldn’t handle anything in his gut without throwing up, but the universe was being kind today. He felt light and contented, and he was going to eat a whole damn lot.

Seungcheol watched him nurse another slice of meat, with a strange feeling of joy in his chest. It was nice. Just them, over shots of soju and meat. It has been a long time since he had looked at anyone and thought, _whoa_. Because affection has always been a distraction all these years. He was a chief executive, mind you. He ain’t got time for that.

“I must apologise for wasting your time today sir,” Joshua mumbled through a wrap, “I know you have better things to do.”

And there it was, the slightest smile on Seungcheol’s face that he had never seen before. It was charming.

“You know, I almost married my soulmate awhile ago.”

Joshua perked up to engage in the story.

“We loved each other for nine years,” Seungcheol set his chopsticks down to reach for the soju bottle, “Didn’t work out. We fell apart after that, so we stopped seeing each other. That was, until he contacted me about the S project last month.”

“He works under Stella?”

Seungcheol shook his head. “No, he _is_ Stella.”

A famous modelling agency which has produced countless of famous faces all around the country, working hand in hand with some popular fashion magazines like Vogue and Elle, owned by the one and only.

“Oh God, you’re kidding,” Joshua regarded him in amazement, “Yoon Jeonghan? He’s the most beautiful face in Seoul, everyone knows him.”

“Beautiful face, yeah,” he sighed, “Beautiful personality? Not so much.”

There was a pause.

“I caught him cheating, right under my nose, after we were engaged for three years. It wasn’t the first time. So I left.”

Joshua could feel his heart sinking, and his appetite instantly went away. Seungcheol knew exactly what it felt like. Maybe that’s why he wanted to help Joshua get through this. He’s been in this dark place before. Joshua had already tried to take his own life once. He won’t let it happen the second time.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered.

“It’s fine really, that was ages ago,” he tipped the bottle to pour out another glass for himself, “Although to be fair, he was quite a big part of my life so it was hard on me at first. I spent two years getting over him. We grew up together, watched each other all our lives. I thought we’d be together forever.”

_“Does that mean you’ll be mine forever?”_

“But people change. For the better or for the worse, maybe we can’t see it right now. But one day, you’ll realise that it’s all a part of a bigger plan.”

Seungcheol studied him with a hint of fondness. _The plan for me to meet you._ Joshua could suddenly feel the warmth spreading across his cheeks and he buried himself deeper into his seat, feeling a tad bit bashful. It was a peaceful night.

 

The night breeze was soothing, bringing him solace and taking his troubles away with the wind. They walked side by side silently with soft peals of laughter, and Seungcheol could feel his breath escaping from his chest in admiration when he took a glimpse at the other. A sheen of moonlight veiled Joshua’s stunning features.

His eyes reflected the twinkles of constellations in the skies and an ethereal glow emitted from his being. There was a certain glimmer of sadness in his gaze, one which Seungcheol could not seem to pinpoint, but it broke his heart and all he could do was walk alongside with him on this shaky path.

Joshua was still a delicate little butterfly, hoping to stretch his wings someday. And Seungcheol would be there to hold his hand, when that happens.

Their steps finally came to a halt before Junhui’s apartment. Joshua turned to face him with a feeble smile, locking their gazes together.

“Thank you for today,” he uttered gratefully, “It was lovely.”

“Anytime. I’ll see you tomorrow, then?”

“Of course,” he stepped back with a dip of his head, “Do be careful on your way back, sir.”

Seungcheol couldn’t stop himself, he _really_ couldn’t. His arm came outstretched; reaching for the younger’s hand to stop him because he just didn’t want to leave yet. Joshua spun around to blink at him, their hands naturally intertwining with one another’s.

“Yes sir?”

“Call me Seungcheol.”

His heart did a little skip, like he couldn’t believe his _boss_ just said that to him. But Seungcheol has been doing a lot of strange things lately. From the incident at Stella, to the hospital, the attempt to withdraw him from the project and the meal they had earlier, and now this. An abashed smile curled the edges of his lips.

He leaned forward to land a peck on Seungcheol’s cheek.

“Goodnight Seungcheol.”

He was so _angelic_. Seungcheol kept his gaze fixated on his back, watching as he withdrew and retired into the apartment’s building. Blood began pumping in his ears rapidly. He cleared his throat, brushing his fingertips against his cheek, now set aflame from the unexpected little kiss.

 _God_ , he was in love.

 

Mingyu watched from afar with his eyes round and dark in disbelief as Joshua and Seungcheol parted from one another. He clenched his jaw.

 

“Everyone was gossiping this morning,” Seungkwan hissed, “Such trash. I was like _this close_ to fighting them.”

“Yeah, they’re such panini heads,” Soonyoung agreed in a whisper, “What’s their problem, anyway?”

“Joshua don’t worry, I have a pet rock on my desk. I’ll throw it at them,” Junhui proclaimed.

“You guys might want to shut up at the back there,” Seungcheol interrupted angrily, striding towards the conference room, “We are meeting the CEO of Stella, don’t mess it up.”

“Yes sir,” they chorused, breaking out into sweat.

Joshua couldn’t help but laugh. Apparently the news had spread about what happened to Joshua and his impending divorce, and it was relatively uncomfortable to have so many eyes on you in the office. Thankfully, Seungcheol took his team and left before anyone could give him the stare again.

They stepped into the room, instantly dispersing to greet the members of the management team. As expected of Stella; their own personnel staff were stunning creatures as well. A figure rose from the leather seat tucked behind the extended mahogany desk, advancing towards them.

When Joshua set his sight upon the besuited man, he could feel his heart pounding and all his breath hitching in his throat. Yoon Jeonghan was an exquisitely flawless being, features clear of blemishes and eyes glistening like the depths of the ocean, with all the secrets in the world hushed and shrouded within his tender gaze.

He held himself in a poised manner, exerting a dignified air with a mellow tone in his voice. It was difficult to believe that a man with such grace would ever be unfaithful to his partner. Seungcheol assessed him with an indecipherable look before extending his greetings and Jeonghan brightened up upon seeing him.

“I’m glad you accepted this project,” he uttered, “Have you been well?”

“Quite well. I see that you’ve changed your hair.”

“You know I always do,” Jeonghan broke out into a bright smile, “You’ve spoken to my team already, I presume?”

“Yes, we are here to negotiate on some terms,” Seungcheol explained, “I hope you may take them into consideration.”

Jeonghan gestured towards the desk. “Please.”

His secretaries would usually settle next to him, it was their routine to do so. But Seungcheol impulsively swept an arm around Joshua to lead him to the seat next to his, and the younger reddened instantly when Seungkwan winked at him with a playful grin. He hurriedly buried himself into his materials.

Jeonghan frowned.

 

Joshua exhaled, tucking his paperwork into his folder and making light chatter with Stella’s legal team. The meeting went surprisingly smooth. He gathered that Jeonghan must be desperate to make this project work. Stella and Princely’s collaboration would make the share prices surge and popularise their brand names even further.

“Thank you for coming today. See you next time?” Jeonghan purred, brushing a hand against Seungcheol’s arm.

The man seemed unfazed. “We’ll keep in contact. Take care.”

He nodded at his team and they swept out of the egress; but Joshua does not miss the glares directed at him by Jeonghan and he wondered if he was just seeing things.

“So what do you think?” Seungcheol stepped out of the elevator with them, “Any issues?”

“None so far, they were quite compliant,” Junhui piped up.

“Indeed,” Soonyoung agreed in a murmur, “I thought they’d be a little agitated after we suggested taking twenty percent of the profits. I’ve heard that Stella isn’t the most generous when it comes to this area.”

A silhouette suddenly manifested before them, blocking their path out of the building, and Joshua froze. The man was still as gorgeous as ever, if you could dismiss the frustrated, crazed look on his face. He seized Joshua’s arm in one hand and tugged him along harshly, heading towards the glass entrance.

“Mingyu stop, what are you doing–” he struggled fruitlessly against the other.

Seungcheol swiftly curled an arm around Joshua’s frame, yanking him back to his side.

“He’s my employee,” he declared coldly, “Where are you taking him?”

Mingyu stepped in closer to examine the man scornfully.

“What’s your deal with Joshua?” he interrogated, “You’re his boss. Why are you courting him?”

“ _Why?_ ” he scoffed, “Correct me if I’m wrong, but I think that’s none of your business. You are an adulterer, why are you so concerned about your ex? All you did was sleep with another man when you were with him.”

Junhui snapped his fingers. “ _Ooh_ , shots fired.”

The atmosphere was tense. Mingyu curled his fists, eyes alit with fury. Before he could take another step forward to _punch_ him, Joshua threw himself in front of Seungcheol with a despairing look and pushed his hands against Mingyu’s biceps to stop him from making any further movements.

“Please Mingyu,” he begged, “This is between us. Let’s just talk properly, okay?”

The man sighed and avoided Joshua’s eyes, departing from the building. It has only been a week and his beautiful face was already one from the past, which he would never have the chance of loving again. Joshua glanced back at Seungcheol with a warm reassuring smile, and followed suit. _Everything’s okay._

Seungcheol does not tear away from the younger’s retreating back, heart constricting painfully. He couldn’t let anyone put their hands on him. His thoughts flashed back to the little peck Joshua had given him the night before and it was such an innocent, endearing gesture; how could anyone _not_ love him.

_Joshua._

Seungcheol darted out of the building to give chase, leaving his employees behind stunned and confused. Meeting Jeonghan today was an eye opener for him. He no longer felt anything for him; all his feelings for had withered away years ago. He knew his feelings well, and he knew that if Joshua left, he’d never be able to love anyone the same way ever again.

_Joshua._

_He’s mine._


	4. part four

Mingyu slowed to a stop a block away from the building, running his fingers through his bleached locks in frustration. He spun around to face his ex husband, and he felt that it has been a long time since he has taken a proper look at him. Joshua was immensely pale, shrinking in his clothes and seemingly fatigued.

Even so, his beauty still shone through his pallid features, and Mingyu felt something strange stirring himself of him.

“Have you been eating well?”

Joshua sighed. Nowhere in hell was he going to engage in pointless small talk with his ex.

“What do you want, Mingyu?”

He hesitated. “Are you going out with that man?”

And never had he seen such resentment in Joshua’s eyes, glaring at him with pure rage. The brunet was the embodiment of serenity. He was alluring and calm, like a quiet storm on a comfortable night in. He didn’t have a temperament and almost _never_ snapped, yet here Mingyu was, being the victim of it.

“And what if we are?” he knitted his brows, “Is that really your problem?”

“I just don’t think he’s right for you. I don’t like him.”

“You never liked _anyone_ ,” he retorted.

Mingyu couldn’t help but stare at him, perplexed.

“When we were together for the past seven years, I’ve never had a single friend because of _you_. If I was hanging out with someone, you would be suspicious of them and tell me to stay away. And I always did as you asked. But there you were, sneaking around my back and having an affair with another man.”

Joshua couldn’t suppress the anger boiling inside of him, “So you don’t get to ask questions like that, Mingyu. You are in no position to turn this against _me_.”

It suddenly hit him.

He was right.

Mingyu had been overprotective of him all through their relationship. He had always caged him in, shackled his wrists and made sure that the world could never lay their tainted hands on his pure innocent love. Jealousy would rear its ugly head whenever he saw someone laughing and standing a little too close to Joshua.

Over time, Mingyu had lost all his affection and love for him. He didn’t feel the same way as he did when they first met. But when he had seen Joshua kiss and hold hands with a stranger, he began seething, threatened that someone else had finally managed to take him away. Yet he couldn’t do anything.

Joshua was no longer his.

Mingyu blinded himself with his infatuation for Wonwoo. A new palette of colours bloomed within his visions, bringing him a sense of excitement that he hadn’t felt in the three years he had been married. The chains of domesticity were boring him. He wanted _more_. So he turned away from Joshua.

Seven years of love, made meaningless with a flick of his hand.

A sudden dizzy spell hit him and Joshua broke out into a fit of persistent coughs, stumbling over his feet. Mingyu instinctively reached for him. “Are you alright–”

Seungcheol dove forward to envelope the young man in his arms, pulling him against his chest to steady their steps. He murmured against Joshua’s ear with concern casted over his eyes, smoothing a hand against his back. The sight instantly tore Mingyu’s heart apart. They seemed to complete each other, like they were meant to be.

Joshua waved his hand in the air, shaking his head in dismissal to assure the other that he was fine. He glanced back at Mingyu, grasping onto Seungcheol’s arm for support.

“The divorce papers are in the completion process. I’ll call you when they are ready,” he managed a smile, “You’ll be happy, won’t you?”

And Mingyu set his gaze upon their retreating figures, mingling into the crowd on the streets and receding from sight.

Joshua leaned his head against Seungcheol’s shoulder with streams of tears cascading down his cheeks. It hurt. _God_ , it hurt so bad. He scrubbed the ends of his sleeve over his eyes, listening to the noise and hectic buzz surrounding them in the busy city.

“I miss him,” he whispered in a shaky, broken voice, “I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving him.”

Seungcheol could only listen with his heart falling apart.

 

He sandwiched his phone between his ear and shoulder, scribbling notes at a phenomenal pace. “Mingyu?”

“Hey I know you said that you’re busy with finals, but do you mind heading over to the garden for just a moment?”

Joshua slapped the pen down onto his open textbook. “Five minutes.”

Mingyu seemed ecstatic. “I’ll be here, love.”

He bolted out of the dorm, hurrying across the grounds when his steps slowed down significantly. Joshua furrowed his brows in confusion. A vivid array of coloured lights illuminated from within the greens. He ambled down the pebbled path to enter the garden, dried leaves and flowers crunching under his feet.

The sight instantaneously took his breath away.

Mingyu stood beneath the threshold of an arch bearing twining plants and blossoming pink peonies, with a bouquet of fresh carmine roses cradled between his hands. Twinkling fairy lights were draped over the trees around them, irradiant within the hours of darkness. Petals had been scattered everywhere and fluttered over the neatly trimmed grass beneath their feet.

Joshua could only gape at the sight, stunned and astounded. His boyfriend brightened up upon seeing him.

“Joshua, come here!”

“Mingyu,” he gasped, “It’s so beautiful. Did you do this?”

“Yeah, do you like it?” Mingyu thrusted the bouquet forward with a happy grin, and the brunet beamed, gathering the floras into his hands.

“I do,” he whispered, “You’re spoiling me real good today, aren’t you? What’s the occasion?”

“Just wanted to ask you something.”

Joshua lifted his head, squinting in suspicion. “Did you do something wrong?”

Mingyu laughed. His boyfriend was no stranger to his mischief and rebellious ways. But that was not why he had prepared this…spectacle. He exhaled heavily to calm the pounding in his chest, taking a step back and going down on one knee. Joshua stared at him, eyes widening like a deer in headlights.

“Mingyu, what are you–”

He unpocketed a small velvet box, prying it open to reveal a sleek silver band perching upon the cushion.

“Babe,” he cleared his throat, “I know this may seem completely insane, but I want to marry you. You are my whole world, my first and last love. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and I’ve never been so sure about anything in my life.”

“Joshua, will you be mine forever?”

In a flash, Joshua tackled him onto the grass, hands cupping his cheeks to press their lips together for a fervent kiss. Mingyu eagerly reciprocated, intertwining the seams of their lips and winding his arms around the other’s waist; the crevasses between their bodies fitting perfectly with each other.

It was just them, against the world.

Mingyu was so _fond_ of him. He would do anything if it meant that they would be together forever. The two parted with a string of pants and bashful smiles, and they shared a loving gaze. It was so overwhelmingly affectionate and tender that he could feel something tearing apart inside of him – telling him to never _ever_ let go of his love.

“You idiot, you’re going to make me cry,” Joshua smoothed a hand over the slope of his jaw with the most bedazzling smile imprinted on his features, “I’ll be yours forever, Mingyu.”

He laughed breathlessly.

“I love you.”

They kissed under the glint of the stars clustering and coruscating in the skies.

 

He leaned against the headboard with the sheets pooling around his bare frame and downed another shot of whiskey, revelling the burn setting his throat in flames. A last puff of smoke escaped from his lips, obscuring his sight. Everything seemed peaceful, so nebulous, like he had been disconnected from reality.

The sun had barely risen, simply setting a gloomy hue in the skies. It has been hours but he could not catch a wink of sleep. Sleep was becoming meaningless, when his dreams were only inhabited by a certain someone. Mingyu extinguished the cigarette butt against the ashtray on the bedside table, reaching for the phone vibrating violently next to his glass.

“Jihoon, what’s up?”

“ _The company is calling us in; we have to start preparing sketches for the project._ ”

“I thought the prep will only start next week, why the sudden rush?”

“ _Heard that they’ll be sending some designers over and boss wants us to work on something impressive. I guess he just wants to impress his ex fiancé. Is Wonwoo with you?_ ”

Mingyu craned his neck to gaze at his boyfriend, who was now sitting up in bed, tangled with the blankets and blinking blearily at him.

“Yeah he is.”

“ _Well then, tell him to pick up his damn phone. We don’t have enough models to work with today and I need him to come in._ ”

“We’ll be over at eight.”

He hung up with a heavy sigh, pouring himself another glass. Maybe work will take his mind off things. Wonwoo stretched like a feline, yawning sleeplessly and shifting through the sheets to straddle his boyfriend’s lap. Mingyu smiled as a pair of slim arms encircled around his neck and a whiff of sweet cologne stung his nose.

“Thought you’d be asleep for a couple more hours,” he knocked back the glass, “Aren’t you tired, babe?”

“Not anymore,” he mumbled stubbornly against the crevice of his neck, mouthing at the flesh with a hum.

Mingyu abandoned his drink to prop his hands against the other’s slender waist, encouraging the languorous sway of hips against his. Images of a particular beauty flashed in his mind. His breath hitched in his throat. _Why–_ He tightened his grip on his lover and the bed began cradling from their movements, complementing their breathy gasps.

 

Joshua pushed his way into the office with an armful of folders tucked against his chest. “Seungkwan said you wanted to speak with me, sir?”

The man behind the desk merely smiled without glancing up, rapidly scribbling approvals over the documents piling around him. “It’s Seungcheol.”

“Sorry, it’s just a habit,” he rubbed his neck with a sheepish grin and lowered his head, “You are my employer, after all. You wanted to see me?”

Seungcheol paused, lifting his head to finally acknowledge him.

“When you get some time off, will you go out on a date with me?”

Joshua spluttered.

“ _What?_ ”

“A date, just you and me,” his hands fidgeted nervously against the desk, “But only if you do feel up to it, of course. Otherwise, it’s fine. I just wanted to let you know that I’m available when you are.”

Joshua was positively _red_.

Seungcheol began to panic, fearing that he had said something wrong–

“I have your number,” Joshua mumbled meekly, “I’ll call you.”

He released a breath which he didn’t know he was holding in relief. “Great. I’ll be waiting.”

The younger backed out of the office, avoiding his gaze in embarrassment, and Seungcheol couldn’t help the stupid grin spreading across his face.

_I’m fucking smitten._


	5. part five

“All team representatives on board, commence updates,” Seungcheol demanded.

The team members of the project were circled around the desk, leafing through their paperwork at a brisk pace. Three teams of stylists, designers and legal staff had been gathered to delve into the project. None of them has had any sleep in the past twenty four hours, fused by caffeine, and Seungcheol was more exhausted than usual.

Even so, he was determined to maintain some amount of professionalism despite the fact that they all looked terrible right now, covered in stubble and wearing crinkled dress shirts and dark circles. After all, the project wasn’t going to work itself. Their reputation was on the line. All the team reps began their presentations.

The chief executive propped his chin up against his hand, downing yet _another_ cup of coffee, “Soonyoung, what have you got? Talk to me.”

“We have come up with some minimalistic and geometric designs for a line of casuals and streetwear. Nothing too flashy. We’ve already produced some prototypes, right here. Of course, we’ll leave the technicalities to you, sir.”

The blonde male presented his folder, amassing all his sketches and photographs. Seungcheol took a quick glimpse at them with a nod of approval. “Alright, seems good. You’re all dismissed. Get moving, we’ll meet up at the Stella headquarters at noon.”

Joshua leaned against Junhui’s shoulder with a groan.

“Sleep, I need _sleep_.”

“God, forget sleep. I need to die.”

“You can die after we finish this project, Junhui.”

A collective series of groans.

 

“Here’s the last of it.”

Mingyu rubbed his nape with a heavy sigh, overwhelmed with fatigue. He had been working on the designs all night with his team only to have them rejected by Jeonghan three, four – five times. It was tough freelancing for an absolute maniac. He marched down the corridor, arguing over the finalised sketches with Jihoon.

“These literally can’t even complement the themes in question,” Jihoon grumbled in frustration, flicking through the pages, “What on earth is Jeonghan thinking right now? You better not mess around, Mingyu. Their boss is leading the team here.”

Mingyu widened his eyes, craning his head to gape at the other.

“What, their CEO is coming over?”

Jihoon glanced up, exhaling heavily. “Speak of the devil.”

Seungcheol was advancing towards them with his team on tow, simply casting Mingyu a glance and a smug grin before extending his arm to shake Jihoon’s hand.

“Choi Seungcheol,” he introduced, “You’re the team leader, I presume?”

“Yes, Lee Jihoon. It’s an honour to meet you, sir.”

Despite the professional setting, Mingyu did not have a single ounce of self restraint. Joshua couldn’t be sighted, presumably deep in a meeting with the other legal staff. _Perfect._ He dropped his folders and swiftly swept forward, catching Seungcheol’s collar in one hand with an indescribable emotion burning in his eyes.

Jihoon stared in perpetual horror, snatching hold of his arm.

“Mingyu,” he hissed, successfully prying the stylist away from the man, “That was not _fucking_ okay, what’s wrong with you?”

Seungcheol was unfazed. He pulled an irritating smirk, fixing his shirt and checking the time with a look of nonchalance.

“Oh it’s fine, really. You know what; I think Mingyu would like to talk. How about the rest go ahead and start the meeting? We’ll catch up later.”

No one in hell would disobey him. The staff instantly scurried away from the scene, leaving the two men to scowl at one another. Mingyu curled his fists, unable to suppress the rage inside of him. What was he doing? His instincts were way too reactive. He was no longer involved, and he shouldn’t be at this point either.

“Leave Joshua alone.”

“You don’t have a right to ask that of me,” Seungcheol calmly replied, “Both of you are getting a divorce. You should leave us alone.”

He scoffed. “So you guys are dating?”

“No, but even if we were, it still wouldn’t be your problem,” he jabbed his finger against Mingyu’s chest and the latter flicked his hand away angrily, “You committed adultery and now you have the audacity to pretend you care? Please. You’re just messing around here, you don’t love him.”

“Oh, and _you_ do? Everyone in the industry knows that you’re just a playboy with a harem. All you’re going to do is hurt him.”

Seungcheol was starting to get aggravated and he really didn’t enjoy having his feathers ruffled. Especially not by an obsessive psychopath. He tucked his hands into his pockets, fingers twitching in need for a cigarette. Any longer now and a fight was going to erupt between them.

“You sound like you care about him.”

“I _do_.”

“You don’t!” Seungcheol snarled, snatching his collar in a tight grip and giving it a furious shake, “Where were you when Joshua needed you? He almost died, you self centred fucker. He tried to kill himself and nearly didn’t make it. And where were you? Sleeping with another man? What a joke. You don’t fucking _care_ , don’t kid yourself.”

Seungcheol shoved him back harshly; ire boiling in his veins, and brushed past him. Mingyu could feel the world spinning, throwing him off his feet. And he suddenly lost all his breath, blood pumping loudly in his ears. Was it because of him? The young man sunk onto the floor, pushing the heels of his palms against his temples.

_Joshua._

 

“I’m going out for a walk.”

“Be careful,” Junhui called out as the door closed behind him.

Joshua exited the apartment building, rubbing the tense muscles around the slope of his neck with a sigh. They had been working all day. Though he was finally getting some well needed rest, there was a strange feeling bothering him and he couldn’t sit still. He walked along the sidewalk, taking deep breaths in an attempt to fight the weight in his chest.

An empty void settled in his gut. He swallowed thickly and turned on his heels to step out onto the road, absorbed by the cars speeding rapidly past his eyes. A loud honk startled him and blinding lights flashed over his visions, but he kept walking; until someone seized his wrist and yanked him backwards.

They stumbled onto the dusty gravel in a heap and Joshua stared in bewilderment at his saviour, heart jumping up to his throat. The man grabbed hold of his biceps and appraised him frantically for injuries. There were none, but he was still in a state of _complete_ panic, eyes wide as saucers.

“Are you alright?”

“What are you doing here, Mingyu?” Joshua shouted, tears brimming in his eyes, “ _Why_? Why do you always keep appearing in my life?”

Mingyu could feel the words cutting deep. It pained him to watch the man he once loved crumble into indiscernible bits and pieces, heart crushed and broken in a puddle of tears. But it was Mingyu’s damn fault. He did this to him. He couldn’t undo what he did and every night, he slept in guilt and dreamt of his ex husband holding his hand once again.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, even if he knew that it wouldn’t change things, “I just wanted to check on you.”

“You don’t have to!” Joshua shoved his hands against the other’s broad chest, biting back a sob, “Stop this, Mingyu. Every time I close my eyes, I keep seeing you and it feels like I’m going out of my mind. I can’t stop; I’m still in love with you and it’s slowly killing me. So please just…stay away.”

“I _can’t_.” he reluctantly whispered, “Joshua, I just can’t.”

“Figure something out,” the young man snapped bitterly, scrambling up to his feet and brushing the dust from his shirt, “We’re not together anymore. Go home to your boyfriend.”

The word dribbled with venom, piercing right through Mingyu’s heart. Sometimes, the reality hasn’t sunken in that he was going to have a divorce. Never in his wildest dreams did he ever think that he would have fallen for another man, because he had always, _always_ loved Joshua.

And right now, he was starting to question himself.

Joshua turned to walk away, nursing the slight scrape on his forearm with a wince. The world slowed to a stop. Mingyu could feel the fear bubbling up inside of him, and he gave chase. _No, no, no._ He can’t let Joshua go. Not after all that they had been through. Mingyu grabbed hold of him, forcefully turning him around and sweeping his hands up to cup his cheeks.

They shared a brief gaze, and Mingyu leaned in to press their lips together.

Neither of them could part from one another in that moment. It was warm, loving and brought a sense of contentment, because this felt right. They had always been meant for each other. And it suddenly shattered. Joshua’s eyes instantly flew open in horror and he swung his hand, landing a strike on the other’s cheek.

Mingyu’s hand hovered over the prickling burn, and he glanced up at him with sorrow inhibiting his eyes.

“Please,” the brunet beseeched through tears, “I’m not yours anymore.”

And this time, Mingyu doesn’t stop him as he made a run for it, ceasing from sight.

 

_I’m not yours anymore._

The words kept circling Mingyu’s head. He glumly stepped back into his home and Wonwoo welcomed him with open arms, kissing the daylights out of him until he was intoxicated by the sweet scent invading his senses. But his lover’s lips felt so foreign against his. What happened? He loved Wonwoo, Mingyu tried to convince himself.

If only he could.

 

Seungcheol gazed out of the window, overlooking the metropolis. Twinkling city lights dotted the world before him. He tipped the burgundy glass to his lips, taking sips from the delicate wine. A relaxing sensation gushed through his body and he heaved a sigh, setting the glass down to pluck his tinkling phone from the desk.

“Choi speaking.”

“ _Seungcheol?_ ” a meek, mellow voice came over the receiver.

He straightened up with a smile. “Joshua? Is there something wrong?”

“ _Ah, I just wanted to talk to you about something. Do you happen to be busy right now?_ ”

“No not at all,” Seungcheol hurriedly clarified, “Just fire away.”

“ _I’ve been thinking about it and – does your offer for dinner still stand?_ ”

 Seungcheol could feel the excitement bursting inside of him. “Yes, of course.”

“ _I would love to accept it. I just, want to know if you’re considering this as a step forward._ ”

“Only if you want it to,” he responded softly, “Don’t be pressured. I know that you need time to move on. I just want to let you know that I’m willing to wait as long as need be. If it isn’t obvious enough already, I really like you. I genuinely do. But I know space and time is what you need, and that I shall give.”

Joshua clutched onto his phone, a warm flush spreading across his cheeks. He hadn’t expected to hear that.

“ _Thank you, Seungcheol. That’s really sweet of you. How about dinner tomorrow?_ ”

He smiled.

“I’d love that.”


End file.
